Saturday, January 16, 2010

Tiger Woods in Hattiesburg, Mississippi?

Well. well, well, lookie what we have here in Bumpkin Land.

Now this is hard to believe even for The Bumpkin, but many reports are coming out of the city just an hour north of me.
They say our "Raging Blasian" has crossed this line.
Too funny, after I wrote him this letter..
Well, if it's true, and I am working on my contacts to confirm. Surely somebody knows somebody, that works or delivers there, as this is how news travels in these parts. I'll be sure to keep you updated.

Quick note to Elin,
We don't like cheaters like your husband in this neck of the woods. Don't fret, we got this one covered, sugar. Our grandmothers teach us tricks like a little arsenic in the bread pudding. Just a little, misdemeanor amounts, not felony amounts.
Also, I got my fingers crossed he hits on some little housekeeper, or some other little country bumpkin in group therapy. I hope he meets her Daddy, complete with shotgun, pickup, and attitude. Again, it won't go over well here. The men folk treat the pretty little ladies like you with courtesy and respect in these parts. Don't worry he's a great place to ummmmmm be rehabilitated. Feel free to smile like this again.

Here's his rumored palace for the next 6 weeks.

Pine Grove is where the meth heads go to avoid jail. He should have some lovely company here. I've heard of this fancy schmancy sex addiction program they have going on up there. Won't work like gun powder and lead will, but we'll see.
Hattiesburg, who would have thunked it....
At least he'll be in good company.
This guy lives right around the corner from his treatment facility:

and these folks:

They also share a private golf course. Are you listening to what I'm saying news reporters. It's called Canebrake Country Club, right around the corner, if I was going to stake out one place to see The Cheater that would be it. It's a heavily gated place, better call in the helicopters.

I'll let you know what I hear you guys!

Love,
The Bumpkin

5 comments:

Make a Roux said...

And we heard from The Bumpkin first!

Jenny said...

Breaking news. Breaking news! Cute post!

Bella Michelle said...

So...I guess you could start a tour company...just pick up the Paps at the Airport and give them the low down...next thing we know we will be seeing Bumpkin on TMZ!

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

I suggested to some of my girlfriends that we could fake a crazy, and get one pic. Look at Perez here comes The Bumpkin.

Sarah - La Jeune Marie said...

You are so "in the know" - awesome!! You should totally go let the air out of his tires!!