Friday, July 31, 2009

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I'm Lovin It!

Do you have a beachy kinda love?

Found over at ETSY!

Same phrase different background, and my favorite of the two, even though, the above matches more of my decor.

Heck of deal for $20, and great for your inspiration boards!

The Bumpkin

Monday, July 27, 2009

Dear Hailey Glassman,

Hi, how are you feeling these days? A little nauseous, a little used, a little crapped on?
Oh, what has happened to your fairytale romance with someone else's husband?
What made you think that he would stay true to you? Perhapes his loyalty to his family should have been your first clue. We real women want you to now learn our tried and true motto. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater.
Do you remember the days not so long ago, when he claimed that you were just his friend? Now he's just friends with Kate Major? How does that go down. Try a spoonful of sugar next time, I hear tell, it makes it much easier to swallow. You wonder what this odd reference to medicine that I write is? It's the truth darling 22 year old Hailey Homewrecker, it's your medicine, now open wide!

The Wikepedia, your new stopping grounds where actually you do hit if searched, defines karma as:
The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.
Since your only 22, and obviously not the brightest crayon in the box, let me break it down for you...
What you do to other people comes right back at ya girlfriend! I hate that you have to learn this the hard way, actually I could give a shit less how hurt you are, but no hard feelings okay.
You didn't actually think you would be the new wife. You were just starter booty. It is a known fact when a man leaves his spouse, there is always some little tramp, that he uses for awhile, to get it all back in tune, if you know what I mean
Your unknown; and a huge slide down the spiral of shame (name that movie) for such a renowned reality show star. He must have somewhat of a "buzz" on his arm, in order to stay in the spotlight.
Now don't you worry. Lifetime will contact you to script a movie on your poor little skanky life. They might wait until you boil the bunnies at Easter, or shoot the original Kate in the face, but trust me they will call. You'll make us proud, we will see you on VH-1 in twenty, desperately wondering what came of your life. Desperately reaching for the remote, because no Honey Homewrecker, we won't really care about you then either. Will just remember you for the dose of karma that life slung your way.
Take care, and don't worry, Daddy has other friends who will soon have a mid-life crisis, and maybe you can be the go to girl for them too!
Take care.

The Bumpkin

Friday, July 24, 2009

I'm Lovin It!

The Bumpkin has the blues. I'm sure it will pass, and I'll wake up tomorrow all organized and inspiring, but for today I just have the blues. So here's a little pick me up for both you and me today.

Check out
etsy shop it's an inspiring kind of place!
The Bumpkin

Minutes after the down and out Bumpkin posted the above post, I was notified that I am the winner of the Summer Giveaway over at The Landlocked Mermaid's. I go to the Mermaid for inspiration daily, she is one of those bloggers that just spreads the sunshine, and reminds us to do all the those things that keep us lovely. I just love this lady! Thanks Mermaid, I'm feeling better already! Now I have the blues, with a touch of pink and green.
Aren't ya'll jealous, look what I'm getting!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dear Jon Gosselin,

So how are you feeling these days ole buddy Jon? How is it to be relieved of the wife of your 8 children? Pending divorce papers, separation of assets, all these new little terms for you to be private about. A starter wife or your demise? I know........... SHE'S A BITCH.
No decency to show for her birthday uh? Must be such a shining example to your new love, a virtual show of LOYALTY. I see that you simply hover in the background now when you are around Kate, but not within close enough range for her to smack you in your damn head. She wishes to speak to you on the topic of LOYALTY. Perhaps The Bitch would have liked to have gone on a skiing trip with her friends, for her milestone birthday? No, I believe dear John she would have rather been with those 8 children that she oh and YOU created together, baking a cake and making money, since you have left that up to her apparently. You still however, let her fix your plate? I know.......... SHE'S A BITCH!

Right now Jon, she still is feeling LOYAL, and hasn't really had anything negative to say about you personally. SHE HAS A LOT OF ANGER (which will eventually form in a ball of pissed off fury that we fellow womanfolk will feed off of, when she tells all your dirty little quirks)! She feels betrayed, and will not stand for it, you are out, finished, you broke the rule. She can not move pass your infidelity. Your marriage is over, and yes I know Jon,............ SHE'S A BITCH!

Speaking of your indiscriminate activities. I have heard that this young lady whom has captured your sincere heart, is the daughter of Kate's plastic surgeon. Now that would provide for some sticky conversation between her Mother and Kate, who became fast friends. How embarassing, but yes I know Jon.....SHE'S A BITCH! I'm sure she's a lovely young lady 12 years your junior. I can't wait till I hear the love story in full on Lifetime in a few years. Sweet pitiful Jon, cruising the upstairs bedrooms during a dinner party, and finds the love of his life, is struck with affection seeing her face illuminated by the computer screen upstairs, finds out her MySpace name, and begins the saga of love via the same forum. Creepy, maybe we will see you on To Catch A Predator next. By the way, they aren't real private about your life either, so careful Jonny Boy.

How do you think Kate is looking these days? Nothing like a good ole cheater to make you drop those last 10 pounds, get your boobs all hiked up high, tone it up, slap on a tan and put it out there for the jerk to drool over. Not bad, LOYAL husband dontcha think? Can't have your cake and it too, no,no,no poor little pitiful Mr. Gosselin. No, because your cake is nowing letting herself go.....GO ON WITHOUT YOU! You know there are men in her future, right you have figured that out right? Good men, notable men, men with culture, money, and fame. Men who do more than well, cut the pancakes. She's even risen in the polls of "Whose side are you on Jon or Kate's?" Up to about 72%, now that you confessed you lied about the bodyguard to get some of the limelight off you and Hannah Montana, or whatever her name is. Was she the babysitter? If she was the babysitter, I'm going to have to write you another letter, ole buddy Jonny Boy. I think Kate will be choosy, and probably not slap a skull ring on the first hoochie, um I mean prospect that comes along. I think she has already learned from her mistakes, and yes I remember......SHE'S A BITCH!
I'm not going to keep you from you counseling sessions, Prozac, and Viagara, I just wanted to take a few minutes of your time, to let you know I was thinking of you. Can't wait to see those new hair plugs, since the first one's didn't take, and you look your age now. If I don't see you soon, you take care now you here. Seems every day I see less and less of you. Hope that trends continues. Hope the new booty is worth all this fame.
Till Then, we know............SHE'S A BITCH!
The Bumpkin

Monday, July 20, 2009

I'm Lovin It! No, Really Lovin It!

My intentions are not to be redundant. I know that I have more than once sung the praises of this woman here in this forum. Perhaps I should consider, changing the name of the blog to South Missisippi Reports on The Pioneer Woman, but just indulge me for one moment.
Because you will never believe what Ree has "gone and done now."

The Bumpkin had many plans for the weekend. Piles of laundry to load in the car and take to the laundry mat up the road, because my fancy Maytag broke AGAIN! Dolphins to watch, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, spending time with friends, blogging fabulous posts to generate 100 comments. None. of. it. was. done.
I was too busy hanging out here. That Pioneer Woman has done went and made us a myspace/facebook for cooks.

I have two pages of ingredients on my shopping list. Printed recipes laid out on the table, for My John to choose the order, in which I will recreate the multitude of masterpieces I have found.
Come on over and join me will you? I can't wait to see you all there, and I wish to covet your secret recipes. Pastor Ryan, Bakerella, Smitten Kitchen, they're all over there too. Just check my friend list. I had to stifle a squeal when the inbox read, "The Pioneer Woman has approved your friend request."
She's added really great features. Direct links back to your blog, a recipe box, because this way you can print as you go, or just leave them stored there.
The name is the same, Bumpkin On A Swing, make sure to friend request me once you get there.
The Baking Bumpkin

Friday, July 17, 2009


Did any of you watch the Today show this morning? Lucy Buffet a famous cook from my neck of the woods, was featured. Lucy's brother refers to her as Lulu. About an hour and fifteen minutes from the swing is one of my favorite places. Lulu's Homeport in Gulf Shores, Alabama. I've made my way there a time or two. Can't swear that I remember leaving, but I do recall some good times there.
Click here, to learn all about it. Don't miss the gifts and t-shirts you can purchase online, it's everyday coastal wear 'round here ya'll.

Now if you haven't caught on yet, by the title, Lucy Buffet is Jimmy's crazy sista, and she just came out with her own "Crazy Sista's Honey Ale" to match his Landshark. Do you all have Landshark where you live?

At Lulu's Jimmy is referred to as Bubba, and when he is in the house he drinks a mixture of 5 exoctic tequilas, and that's it, he occasionally buys one for the house too. Wooo wee...easy on that one ya'll. Makes it a little tough to stay between the navigational beacons. Here they are! He's getting old, hell we all are.

Lulu's is a busy place, but has a huge bar, so pull up a stool. Best pina colada east of the swing.
The approaching commoners can also drive there. This is a joke around the Redneck Riveria. Both sides of the highway along the Gulf of Mexico have condo's. Some beach side, and some on the intracoastal waterways. The joke is that the commoners cross the road to the beach, and drive to Lulu's. Of course the condos on the beach, are twice the price of the ones that are across the street. Oh, and by the way, that pavement is hot as hell in July, will even burn the side of your feet while wearing flip flops. This I know from experience. That's right The Bumpkin crosses the street:)

So in case you missed it this morning, here is my favorite recipe featured.
In the deep south, some like it hot!

Screaming Easy Wild Shrimp Wasabi
Serves 4 to 6


• 1 tablespoon wasabi powder
• 1/4 cup beer (use Landshark© beer and drink the rest while cooking)
• 1 tablespoon prepared horseradish
• 2 pounds large headless shrimp, peeled and deveined, tails intact
• 1//2 teaspoon course sea salt
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh cilantro
• Lime slices for garnish

1. Combine wasabi powder, beer and horseradish. Set aside.

2. Peel and de-vein shrimp, leaving tails intact.

3. Place a cast iron skillet over high heat. When it begins to smoke, add shrimp. Shake skillet and toss or stir shrimp for 15 seconds or until they just begin to turn pink.

4. Add salt, wasabi mixture and butter. Stir quickly, turning shrimp for another 15 seconds, then cover tightly and remove from heat. Let shrimp rest for 5 minutes.

5. Add cilantro, stir once, and cover again. Wait another 5 minutes.

6. Garnish with lime slices and serve immediately.

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

An Amazing Fight!

It is certainly amazing how life opens your eyes. The lessons sometimes sneak upon you.

9 weeks of fight! She fought! They all fought, and I will never forget being allowed to be a part of their very personal fight.

These are the most eloquent of words, I do believe I have read in this blogworld. Each day I would pray, and then I would follow the link. I always wondered what they would say. Yes, let's celebrate instead.

No more pain.

Today, I realize, my problems aren't that bad, and that when I think I haven't an ounce of fight left, I will remember this little girl!

God bless the strength of this family, and a special hug to Bethany, I can only imagine the memories.

With all the love in the bottom of this Bumpkin Heart.......

Monday, July 13, 2009

And I Quote..................

A well-composed book is a magic carpet on which we are wafted to a world that we cannot enter in any other way. ~Caroline Gordon

I'm reading Just Breathe by Susan Wiggs. What are ya'll reading this summer?

The Bumpkin

Friday, July 10, 2009

A Whale of A Story!

One of my favorite things is when My John takes me on a dolphin ride. When we first did this in the earlier part of our relationship, he would immediately kill the boat engine, as soon as we saw them. Being that he has a special bond with all animals, he would then do a series of things to get the dolphins to come closer. Then once they went away, we would sit and wait before starting the engine again.
This is why.
Please don't feed the dolphins or whales (if you are that lucky) when you are out on a boat. It teaches them to associate boat engines and food.

Amazingly smart animals they are.

Now you probably think you will never see a killer whale. It has been recently discovered that there are killer whales in the Gulf of Mexico. It was well researched and documented. One day The Bumpkin is going to have a "killer" story to tell you.

In 2001 a pod of killer whales were swimming through Nootka Sound when a young calf became separated from his pod. He became known as Luna, and attracted the attention of many boaters wanting their own orca experience. In Luna's community, orcas spend their entire lives with their mothers and are in the constant company of large pods. All alone, Luna was desperate for company and would approach boaters, even letting the brave ones pet him. Efforts were made to keep boats away, and reunite him with his pod, however those efforts met complications. Unfortunately Luna's obsession with boats led to his demise, and in 2006 he was sucked into the propeller of a tugboat.

Luna's story had a very sad outcome, but we wanted to show this clip of him imitating a motorboat engine in an apparent attempt to make a new friend. It just goes as a reminder of just how intelligent and socially dependent dolphins and whales are.
Here is your good cry for today! Watch this, little abandoned baby! Just want's to play!