Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dear Jon Gosselin,

So how are you feeling these days ole buddy Jon? How is it to be relieved of the wife of your 8 children? Pending divorce papers, separation of assets, all these new little terms for you to be private about. A starter wife or your demise? I know........... SHE'S A BITCH.
No decency to show for her birthday uh? Must be such a shining example to your new love, a virtual show of LOYALTY. I see that you simply hover in the background now when you are around Kate, but not within close enough range for her to smack you in your damn head. She wishes to speak to you on the topic of LOYALTY. Perhaps The Bitch would have liked to have gone on a skiing trip with her friends, for her milestone birthday? No, I believe dear John she would have rather been with those 8 children that she oh and YOU created together, baking a cake and making money, since you have left that up to her apparently. You still however, let her fix your plate? I know.......... SHE'S A BITCH!

Right now Jon, she still is feeling LOYAL, and hasn't really had anything negative to say about you personally. SHE HAS A LOT OF ANGER (which will eventually form in a ball of pissed off fury that we fellow womanfolk will feed off of, when she tells all your dirty little quirks)! She feels betrayed, and will not stand for it, you are out, finished, you broke the rule. She can not move pass your infidelity. Your marriage is over, and yes I know Jon,............ SHE'S A BITCH!

Speaking of your indiscriminate activities. I have heard that this young lady whom has captured your sincere heart, is the daughter of Kate's plastic surgeon. Now that would provide for some sticky conversation between her Mother and Kate, who became fast friends. How embarassing, but yes I know Jon.....SHE'S A BITCH! I'm sure she's a lovely young lady 12 years your junior. I can't wait till I hear the love story in full on Lifetime in a few years. Sweet pitiful Jon, cruising the upstairs bedrooms during a dinner party, and finds the love of his life, is struck with affection seeing her face illuminated by the computer screen upstairs, finds out her MySpace name, and begins the saga of love via the same forum. Creepy, maybe we will see you on To Catch A Predator next. By the way, they aren't real private about your life either, so careful Jonny Boy.

How do you think Kate is looking these days? Nothing like a good ole cheater to make you drop those last 10 pounds, get your boobs all hiked up high, tone it up, slap on a tan and put it out there for the jerk to drool over. Not bad, LOYAL husband dontcha think? Can't have your cake and it too, no,no,no poor little pitiful Mr. Gosselin. No, because your cake is nowing letting herself go.....GO ON WITHOUT YOU! You know there are men in her future, right you have figured that out right? Good men, notable men, men with culture, money, and fame. Men who do more than well, cut the pancakes. She's even risen in the polls of "Whose side are you on Jon or Kate's?" Up to about 72%, now that you confessed you lied about the bodyguard to get some of the limelight off you and Hannah Montana, or whatever her name is. Was she the babysitter? If she was the babysitter, I'm going to have to write you another letter, ole buddy Jonny Boy. I think Kate will be choosy, and probably not slap a skull ring on the first hoochie, um I mean prospect that comes along. I think she has already learned from her mistakes, and yes I remember......SHE'S A BITCH!
I'm not going to keep you from you counseling sessions, Prozac, and Viagara, I just wanted to take a few minutes of your time, to let you know I was thinking of you. Can't wait to see those new hair plugs, since the first one's didn't take, and you look your age now. If I don't see you soon, you take care now you here. Seems every day I see less and less of you. Hope that trends continues. Hope the new booty is worth all this fame.
Till Then, we know............SHE'S A BITCH!
The Bumpkin