Monday, July 27, 2009

Dear Hailey Glassman,

Hi, how are you feeling these days? A little nauseous, a little used, a little crapped on?
Oh, what has happened to your fairytale romance with someone else's husband?
What made you think that he would stay true to you? Perhapes his loyalty to his family should have been your first clue. We real women want you to now learn our tried and true motto. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater.
Do you remember the days not so long ago, when he claimed that you were just his friend? Now he's just friends with Kate Major? How does that go down. Try a spoonful of sugar next time, I hear tell, it makes it much easier to swallow. You wonder what this odd reference to medicine that I write is? It's the truth darling 22 year old Hailey Homewrecker, it's your medicine, now open wide!

The Wikepedia, your new stopping grounds where actually you do hit if searched, defines karma as:
The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.
Since your only 22, and obviously not the brightest crayon in the box, let me break it down for you...
What you do to other people comes right back at ya girlfriend! I hate that you have to learn this the hard way, actually I could give a shit less how hurt you are, but no hard feelings okay.
You didn't actually think you would be the new wife. You were just starter booty. It is a known fact when a man leaves his spouse, there is always some little tramp, that he uses for awhile, to get it all back in tune, if you know what I mean
Your unknown; and a huge slide down the spiral of shame (name that movie) for such a renowned reality show star. He must have somewhat of a "buzz" on his arm, in order to stay in the spotlight.
Now don't you worry. Lifetime will contact you to script a movie on your poor little skanky life. They might wait until you boil the bunnies at Easter, or shoot the original Kate in the face, but trust me they will call. You'll make us proud, we will see you on VH-1 in twenty, desperately wondering what came of your life. Desperately reaching for the remote, because no Honey Homewrecker, we won't really care about you then either. Will just remember you for the dose of karma that life slung your way.
Take care, and don't worry, Daddy has other friends who will soon have a mid-life crisis, and maybe you can be the go to girl for them too!
Take care.

The Bumpkin


Surf Girl said...

Hailey Homewrecker - hee, hee!

Jennifer T said...

bahahahaha! you hit the nail on the head with that one! what an idiot for thinking he would be her one!! ha

Tara Gibson said...

you are HILARIOUS!

Robynn's Ravings said...

Thanks for the chuckles today! You have NO IDEA how I needed them but for a completely unrelated subject. Found you on P-Dub's site through your mini-advertising. Glad you did it so I could read this!!

Gigi said...

OK> Can I JUST tell you...LOVE the post. It's all the things I WISH I could say.
And thank you for your prayers.
Oh, and guess what? She Facebooked me today. Yeah. Come by and see what happened on my blog. ;)