Tuesday, December 29, 2009

A Bumpkin Looks At 40

Hello 40! How are you? It’s a pleasure to meet you. Aren’t you like 5 years early? Wow how the time flies. I graduated last year, and college was just last month right? Please, please be nice to me.
I want to give you younger ladies a little insight about the emotional roller coaster that is 40.
Oh, the things that I haven't done, those things that were supposed to be done by today. The book that I haven't written, the house that isn't paid for yet. The wedding. Don't let me forget the million dollars that isn't in the bank yet. I just checked, nope still not there.
I have had my days, don't get me wrong, today is not completely full of regrets. But yes, they are still there.
Don't waste the pretty ladies. Don't. waste. it. Treasure every single moment of your youth. Do all of those things that you think you shouldn't. Do all of those things that you want to do, but others think are inappropriate. Do it, you hear me?
Travel to all those places that you want to see. Have those lovers. Buy those purses. Wear those heels, and the glitter eyeliner, even if it’s to the grocery store. Do it, before it's too late.
Those of you, who take pictures in the bathroom, have shown me your tights and sweater dresses. I especially love the knee high boots with this look. I set out for a “40” outfit. Something fabulous, sexy, and unforgettable. Standing in the mirror at Dillard’s, in this carefully ensembled outfit, it hit me. 40. There it was. I WAS TOO OLD FOR MY DREAM OUTFIT. Too old for the knee high boots. Not enough sit ups in my 30's stared back at me.
There were moments that I was sure I would be fabulous at 40. Not bad at best ladies. Not bad at best. I wish that I would have spent more time finding my center, you know discovering me. Believe you me on my regret list today there are not things like, I wish I would have spent more time at work. Nor is there a, I wish my house was perfectly clean and organized. There are things like the Jamaican vacation, the pair of Jimmy Choo's (Hi Tara!), the wrinkle treatment that I couldn't bring myself to pay $145 for. Oprah once asked Maya Angelou, what was her biggest regret? I was shocked, and disappointed when she said, "I wish I would have taken better care of my neck." I thought it was shallow. I was 30. Today it is brilliant. Today I am 40, and I can relate. All the way down to the boobies with the sun blocking moisturizer ladies, all the way down to the boobies.
My "hot" tans of my twenties, wrinkles today ladies. There is a reason why the southern belles of long ago, always took to the shade. Stay away from the sun, as much as you can, trust the 40 woman who lives on the beach with this one. Just trust me okay. That two day glow. Not worth it!
My hippie days of no bra. Great and I thought it was so cool. Now just look at em, sliding across my navel nearly. Jack up those ta- ta's high as you can. Sleep in your bra 3 nights a week if you have to. Whatever it takes.
One thing I don't regret ladies. I have made some of the most wonderful friends in my life. Some stayed a season, some stayed forever. Girlfriends can get you through anything, including 40. Tonight I will celebrate with the best of mine. Today I will speak with the best of mine, and I will make it through. I'll set some new goals, and try again. Till then I feel I have fulfilled my duty to the youth, to give you some insight into this day. Don't Waste The Pretty!

Oh, speaking of the wedding that didn't happen. On Christmas morning, after 8 years of waiting, I said yes, and in the spring or early summer on The Riverboat Natchez in New Orleans, LA I will say I do. Better late than never right? The diamond is also making today just a wee bit easier.

So, run out and do something for my 40th birthday that you have always wanted to do, or buy, or eat. Think of me, and send me a note to tell me just how much you enjoyed it!
Now I will wipe the tears, slap on a little more concealer, dye the gray roots, and on with it. Maybe I will even go buy those knee high boots. They say women hit their sexual prime in their 40’s. They could come in handy; there is a wedding night in my near future.

The Bumpkin

P.S. Stay tuned...I am writing Tiger a letter.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Dear My Darling Kelly at Housewife Savant,

Still troubled over this post, I did a little research for you. Back in 1861 when North and South really mattered, they drew a map so there were no misunderstandings on which states were North and which states were South. This is the intelligent Yankee version even, as the hillbillies from the South, are still to this day not intelligent enough to post a picture online.

Those folks that you speak so ill of are Yankees, not Southerners.

I am ashamed of my comment on your blog, over this post, and I apologize if I was rude.

A true southern belle would have never even responded.

We all have bad days.
We all open mouth insert foot.
We all have a choice to follow or not to follow.

Merry Merry Merry Christmas.


The Bumpkin

Friday, December 11, 2009

Hello There!

Coming back soon. Miss all of you.......
I'm looking for someone to redesign Bumpkin On A Swing for me. Who do you all recommend?

Hope you are having a joyous holiday season.

Saw this quote on a regular blog I read and found it very fitting for this time of year.

I'll leave you with this.

There are two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle".
~Albert Einstein

Love and Merry wishes,
The Bumpkin

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Favre Football Hometown Edition

If you been riding the swing for awhile, you'll remember when I bid our Hometown Boy a tribute upon his 1st (of many apparently) retirements with this post here.
Brett in Packers jersey, oh the memories.

One of my favorite things about the Packers days were times like these....

It was hard to be a Brett fan, even if we are from the same blades of grass, when he was in the same league as My Bears. Urlacher usually got him at least once a game. Archrivals those Packers and Bears are, and you'll remember that I took an oath to My John (Southside of Chicago Native) that I solemnly swear to always hate The Packers regardless of the circumstances. Finally he retired from Green Bay, and with the help of Ebay I made a little extra dough selling the hometown newspaper tribute edition.
Then he sported this jersey.............

We Bears fans were more on the Favre bandwagon, because he wasn't that big of a threat, and now he sports this jersey...........

and...........he's breathing down our throats again. This "old man" is still nailing those passes.....I pray he ends it before the glory is gone.
So, we Southern Mississippi football fans are looking for a little excitement for when Brett retires for real. It's the next generation.........
This is hitting our newspapers nowadays.

St. Stanislaus Rochachaws senior Quarterback Dylan Favre, Brett's nephew, is tearing up the state records, before moving on to college. Dylan Favre made it a night to remember in Leakesville Friday night by breaking the state career records for both touchdown passes and passing yards. I really wanted a picture to share, but the press in Leakesvills is usally in bed by 6pm, right before they roll up the streets. Podunk central if you catch my drift. So instead I had to um...."borrow" a pic from his facebook page. I hope he doesn't mind :)
Younger ladies this one is still single, better get on it!

Don't forget when he's throwing passes to the end zone in the Superbowl, who told ya first!
The Bumpkin

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Fang Banger?

It took me almost a month of stalking at Blockbuster to finally get my hands on the first two episodes of Trueblood. Almost every one of you bloggers have taunted me with a few spoilers, or at least enticed me to want to watch this series.

I am just a wee bit creeped by the fact that more than one of today's vampire tales come from the Louisiana swamps. These are my stomping grounds. Great fishing, GREAT FOOD, good people, Electric MUSIC (we call this swamp boogie), and lastly really strange characters on occasion. The next time I go to New Orleans, I will venture to "that" neighborhood, and take a few pictures of the self proclaimed blood suckers for all of you to see. Of course I know that vampires don't exist. Right? They don't ya'll Right? I am a very logical person, and reason most things as it's the trend right now.
However, for years before these tales ever hit the mainstream there have been our "campfire" Louisiana vampire stories. Is this the circle from where these writers feed? Furthermore, are they capitalizing on the doubt that each of us around those campfires have had at one point or another.
New Orleans is all things Voodoo, and some natives of New Orleans have some really strange trains of thoughts. Some just simply state, that people are strange, especially in New Orleans. That's my main theory, but I'll be "dadgum" if there aren't certain aspects of these stories that don't ring a bell.
For instance, drainers. Drainers are another claim from The Voodoo capital of the world. In the voodoo shops of The French Quarter, a vampire's blood is touted to cure impotency in men, and thrush in babies. It's $6.99 for a small vial. Of course, I'm never going to drink anything sold in a small vial off Bourbon street, but the correlation is odd to say the least. I have long since considered it common knowledge that the collectors of this blood are called Drainers. Even knew a "drainer" when I worked in New Orleans, and just blew it off, as some sore of mental oddity that he sold himself as such. I've heard this claim since I was a "wee little one." There is no way it could be a reference from these series.
Clairvoyants (defined as those able to sense things beyond normal senses), simulates to the Gypsies of Jackson Square. Creepy I tell you. Creepy.
Marketing majors of the Swamp South are jumping all over this, as in recent tourism ads, they are have been flashes of these vampire trends. Did any of you remember the movie with Lisa Bonet called Angelheart? Try and rent sometime, and you'll see what I mean. Very authentic Big Easy culture.
Off the subject for a second, Halloween in New Orleans will leave chill bumps on your arms. Promise, strange seeps from the woodwork that night. This year KISS and Eminem will be performing in City Park. On the posters advertising this there is a large declaration at the bottom that states, "NON-SEASONED NEW ORLEANS TOURISTS SHOULD NOT ATTEND THIS EVENT!" Now what marketing mind would ever warn potential spenders of danger? Only in New Orleans.
Two things even in two episodes of Trueblood that are not authentic. The food served in the restaurant where Sookie works. In the swamp we don't do burgers and fries. Come on LA people. It's crawfish, shrimp, and fish. We don't use ketchup either, it's Crystal Hot Sauce Ya'll. Get a Grip!
Secondly, the "accent" coach for Rene needs to be fired. That is the worst interpretation of Creole I have ever heard. A beautiful, and sexy language made to sound down right handicapped. Get an authentic, caramel-skinned, brown-eyed, muscled bound Cajun to play this part, and watch the ratings soar a little.
My last bit of realism tied to fantasy is this little statement that makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Certain women who are Gothic in NO, refer to themselves as Fang Bangers. These women live in what's called the Marigny, and have what I believe disfigured themselves to appear to have been bitten by a vampire. My friends in New Orleans when I worked there called them Fang Bangers. It is really odd to hear that term used on HBO twenty years later. Something to think about it.
Despite all this creepiness I am hooked, or should I say I have been bitten, again. I really want to read this series. I have found it on EBAY for cheap and am bidding away. I dropped out of the Twilight saga after the first book.
We'll see where it goes. Anyone want to come visit and me, and aide me in a supernatural research series about the Big Easy. Come on ya'll don't be scared it's not real. Right?
The Bumpkin

Monday, September 14, 2009


I just finished watching the first season of Californication. I think it was the most enlightening experience of my thirties.
Some things I recognized, and some I didn't.
First I'm shocked that I found David Duchovny to be sexy. I never was an X (is this one of those times than X gets an "an" even though it's not a vowel ?)files fan, and he wasn't the love of my twenties like some of my gal pals back then. They would drool over what..... was his name then Moulder or something like that? Me, not so much.
I think the sexy about him in this series is his unfaltering love for Karen, then maybe it could be all the raw sex scenes (as caution, this is shown late at night on Showtime), and I understand why. My favorite scene, when Karen gets called the "C" word at the charity ball. That always deserves a good swing in my opinion. The knight in smoke covered armor, a writer, a sex machine, and a great dad. I think I may be getting old to hear myself say sexy and dad, all in the same sentence.
All of the characters are "groovy" in their own way. They become endearing to you, even the villans. I'm headed to Blockbuster tomorrow, to stalk Season 2.
Love Hank, but my favorite character is Karen, she is so Hippie Voracious.

Has anyone other than me noticed the resemblance to this woman?

Dooce herself, Heather Armstrong, number 26 in milk stains!
[cue jingle]
Photo of Heather and her new addition courtesy of Armstrong Media LLC.

I also rented the first two episodes of Season 1 of Trueblood. I hear you all out there gasping the word,"Eric"
The Bumpkin

What Rainy Days Are For

It has been raining cats and dogs here on The Mississippi Gulf Coast. Everyday last week, and my yard is one big mud puddle.
You all remember Jibbs, my beautiful white American Bulldog right?
If you haven't met him, you can go back and read his story here.

It's hard to keep this one clean. As I have told you, he lives to play the ball.
The ball, The ball, The ball. American Bulldogs are very active, and must be exercised regularly.

The only reason we get great pictures like this, is because we hold the ball while taking them.
He was so restless this weekend in all the rain. Mamma too, so I decided to take a nap before the Bears game on Sunday.

Doggy and Daddy fun apparently took place while Mamma was sleeping. I found these pictures on the camera late last night. I would have never known otherwise.

He was about to bust to play the ball, so I can't really be all that mad.

They covered their tracks pretty well. Jibbs was clean as a whistle,and inside sleeping before I ever woke up.

Look at the dirt in his mouth. He was really having fun! Sometimes even dogs need to let loose, and go "hog wild."
How was your weekend?
The Bumpkin

Saturday, September 12, 2009

A Bumpkin Looks At Forty

Yes, that's correct in about 100 days The Bumpkin will be 40. Thoughts on 40, well, they aren't that good my bloggy friends. As a matter of fact, I would say they are actually depressing. Two years ago, I was hyped about 40, feeling I would surely be Fabulous Forty. Now it seems, Failure Forty is more accurate.
All those things I wanted to do, and didn't. Habits I should have broke, millions I should have made, pounds I should have lost, friends I should have treasured, milestones I should have put behind me, places I should have traveled to, books I should have written, all before 40. Those two numbers seem to be stalking me at this point. Open the closet, 4-0. Look in the mirror, 4-0. Balancing the checkbook, 4-0. Fall Fashions, 4-0. Career, 4-0. Reading, blogging, and even movies, 4-0.
It's everywhere this four-o. I have been translating these demonic numbers as Life= 4 decades... The Bumpkin= 0.
I know right this second you are all shouting, Paxil, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Prozac, Effexor, Cymbalta, and Xanax. Maybe your'e right, maybe not. I guess I really am taking this hard, my naps seem to be more often, and last a little longer. Actually to be honest, it's more like "Screw it, I'll just head to bed instead." Depression is not a usual member of my circle of friends, but she's recently been promoted to BFF status.
I guess the biggest issue is my career, and maritial status that are really waying on me. As some of my regular readers know, I was down-sized from a great paying job in September of last year. Due to the economy, jobs are few and far between in South Mississippi nowadays. Jobs that pay that I was making virtually non-existent. The competition is ruthless. 300 resume's for every job posted. Casino's are on skeleton staff, and the rest are out there searching flooding the availability.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

We're Still Bloomin'!

One of the most difficult times for a gardener in Southern Mississippi is the July and August months. The heat here can be unbearable, even for the flowers. My mixed baskets are heat exhausted, so is My John so it's pretty low maintenance for now. When we grew our seeds this year we focused on things that would be natural bloomers in the heat to fill the gaps of blooms during these months. Wanna see?

Peach Hibiscus

Moonflowers, these are night only bloomers. Love to walk out in the moonlight and see these beauties. A moonflower is a vine, started out small, and now is covering the front gate. Looks a little aggressive will have to keep the cutting shears near by on this one. This is the starter for what will someday be my "moon garden."

Pink mandevilla. This one is not scared of the 100+ temperatures here. Just start it on a trellis and let it go.

Yellow Hibiscus. The yellow flowers are my favorites. Even with roses, I want the yellow dozen that no one ever buys at Valentine's Day.

Cajun Hibiscus, a return investment year after year. These babies get it when it comes to bloomin'!

We have enough to share with co-workers, fellow chefs and neighbors. As a matter of fact, I have enough to share with you too, because everyone else is sick of me dumping on them. The peppers have gotten out of hand. This is one morning's pick.

This is Tibouchina, also known as a princess flower. This is John's favorite plant, and he really knows plants. Rare to say the least. I had one a couple of years ago, that was stolen. It took me forever to find another.

Here is my Plumeria. I am really proud of this one. Plumeria is very hard to grow. I really had to work at this one. You know how some flavored things don't smell like it originator at all? Like, grape flavored things do not smell like grapes. Well this smells exactly like the Bath and Body Lotion. Amazed me at first, and one little flower can fill my garden with this scent for days.

Thanks, for stopping by the garden, take some blooms home if you like!
The Bumpkin

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Living On The Gulf Of Mexico

I love the fact that the Gulf of Mexico is a short walk from the swing. Cool, or at least cooler, tropical breezes have been a regular around these parts lately. $3 a pound for jumbo shrimp at the docks. Casinos are having awesome entertainment for each of their "summer series." Tropical plants in full bloom (watch for my upcoming post on this). Right now, other than the horrible heat, I'm lovin it here on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. Now here's a geography lesson for you.

Be patient, I don't have photo shop so I can't put a little mark for you. If you look right up there almost center where it says Baton Rouge, you'll see The Bumpkin waving at you right in between the n (in Baton) and the R (in Rouge)right on the very tip of the Mississippi Coast line. Hey everyone it's me The Bumpkin! I've got my thinnest cotton shorts, thin strapped tank top, and my Guy Harvey flip flops on. See me right there, toes dug into the sand?
This little geography lesson may come in handy in the next few weeks, I want you all to know exactly where I am.
Welcome to my nightmare once a year every year of my life.

Meet Ana.........

Alot can change in the next five days, especially the strength once it enters the Gulf. The water is mighty hot out there. Not good. It helps them to strengthen.
Now meet Bill.

Two days ago, Ana was on this same path, and now you see where she is going right. My brother-in-law is Bill, please don't let this one be the one. He's quite an a** to say the least, he's also very unpredictable. He is also a terrible drinker and wobbles around a lot.
Now meet Tropical Depression #4 which will later today be Tropical Storm Claudette.

She formed in the Gulf last night at the last minute. Great!
And finally meet Investigation #91----looks like this fellow will be Danny!

So, today will be spent taking pictures of all my stuff also known as a contents inventory for insurance claims, washing all the clothes, shopping for a few necessities, and drawing water for the boys. You must have 2 gallons a day for each pet and person. You do the math on us and our five dogs. My John says he will start to pick up stray things out of the yard, and secure them in the barn. You guys don't have to worry to much about The Bumpkin and our 2O paws. If there is one man who will be ready, it will be mine. The neighbors call our house "Fort Bumpkin", substituting our last name for the Bumpkin portion. After Katrina, we made the necessary changes to our little part of the world. It's the live and learn approach to hurricanes. He built a barn, so we would have somewhere high to go. The winds we have learned aren't necessarily the worst part of a hurricane.
Meet Mr. Storm Surge.

Now you think about the picture above, and laugh with me. Whoever was lucky enough to snap the pic, had to immediately run like hell. Lots of rain here lately which means the water level is rather high. Not good again.
Again, alot can change in the next few days, and now that you know exactly where I am, you will know when it's time for you to wear your knees out for The Bumpkin.
Keep us in your prayers,
The Bumpkin
Note to my regular readers.
I have not seen any banana spiders lately, we are going to search the garden today, and I'll keep you updated.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I'm Lovin It!

Do you have a beachy kinda love?

Found over at ETSY!

Same phrase different background, and my favorite of the two, even though, the above matches more of my decor.

Heck of deal for $20, and great for your inspiration boards!

The Bumpkin

Monday, July 27, 2009

Dear Hailey Glassman,

Hi, how are you feeling these days? A little nauseous, a little used, a little crapped on?
Oh, what has happened to your fairytale romance with someone else's husband?
What made you think that he would stay true to you? Perhapes his loyalty to his family should have been your first clue. We real women want you to now learn our tried and true motto. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater.
Do you remember the days not so long ago, when he claimed that you were just his friend? Now he's just friends with Kate Major? How does that go down. Try a spoonful of sugar next time, I hear tell, it makes it much easier to swallow. You wonder what this odd reference to medicine that I write is? It's the truth darling 22 year old Hailey Homewrecker, it's your medicine, now open wide!

The Wikepedia, your new stopping grounds where actually you do hit if searched, defines karma as:
The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.
Since your only 22, and obviously not the brightest crayon in the box, let me break it down for you...
What you do to other people comes right back at ya girlfriend! I hate that you have to learn this the hard way, actually I could give a shit less how hurt you are, but no hard feelings okay.
You didn't actually think you would be the new wife. You were just starter booty. It is a known fact when a man leaves his spouse, there is always some little tramp, that he uses for awhile, to get it all back in tune, if you know what I mean
Your unknown; and a huge slide down the spiral of shame (name that movie) for such a renowned reality show star. He must have somewhat of a "buzz" on his arm, in order to stay in the spotlight.
Now don't you worry. Lifetime will contact you to script a movie on your poor little skanky life. They might wait until you boil the bunnies at Easter, or shoot the original Kate in the face, but trust me they will call. You'll make us proud, we will see you on VH-1 in twenty, desperately wondering what came of your life. Desperately reaching for the remote, because no Honey Homewrecker, we won't really care about you then either. Will just remember you for the dose of karma that life slung your way.
Take care, and don't worry, Daddy has other friends who will soon have a mid-life crisis, and maybe you can be the go to girl for them too!
Take care.

The Bumpkin

Friday, July 24, 2009

I'm Lovin It!

The Bumpkin has the blues. I'm sure it will pass, and I'll wake up tomorrow all organized and inspiring, but for today I just have the blues. So here's a little pick me up for both you and me today.

Check out
etsy shop it's an inspiring kind of place!
The Bumpkin

Minutes after the down and out Bumpkin posted the above post, I was notified that I am the winner of the Summer Giveaway over at The Landlocked Mermaid's. I go to the Mermaid for inspiration daily, she is one of those bloggers that just spreads the sunshine, and reminds us to do all the those things that keep us lovely. I just love this lady! Thanks Mermaid, I'm feeling better already! Now I have the blues, with a touch of pink and green.
Aren't ya'll jealous, look what I'm getting!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dear Jon Gosselin,

So how are you feeling these days ole buddy Jon? How is it to be relieved of the wife of your 8 children? Pending divorce papers, separation of assets, all these new little terms for you to be private about. A starter wife or your demise? I know........... SHE'S A BITCH.
No decency to show for her birthday uh? Must be such a shining example to your new love, a virtual show of LOYALTY. I see that you simply hover in the background now when you are around Kate, but not within close enough range for her to smack you in your damn head. She wishes to speak to you on the topic of LOYALTY. Perhaps The Bitch would have liked to have gone on a skiing trip with her friends, for her milestone birthday? No, I believe dear John she would have rather been with those 8 children that she oh and YOU created together, baking a cake and making money, since you have left that up to her apparently. You still however, let her fix your plate? I know.......... SHE'S A BITCH!

Right now Jon, she still is feeling LOYAL, and hasn't really had anything negative to say about you personally. SHE HAS A LOT OF ANGER (which will eventually form in a ball of pissed off fury that we fellow womanfolk will feed off of, when she tells all your dirty little quirks)! She feels betrayed, and will not stand for it, you are out, finished, you broke the rule. She can not move pass your infidelity. Your marriage is over, and yes I know Jon,............ SHE'S A BITCH!

Speaking of your indiscriminate activities. I have heard that this young lady whom has captured your sincere heart, is the daughter of Kate's plastic surgeon. Now that would provide for some sticky conversation between her Mother and Kate, who became fast friends. How embarassing, but yes I know Jon.....SHE'S A BITCH! I'm sure she's a lovely young lady 12 years your junior. I can't wait till I hear the love story in full on Lifetime in a few years. Sweet pitiful Jon, cruising the upstairs bedrooms during a dinner party, and finds the love of his life, is struck with affection seeing her face illuminated by the computer screen upstairs, finds out her MySpace name, and begins the saga of love via the same forum. Creepy, maybe we will see you on To Catch A Predator next. By the way, they aren't real private about your life either, so careful Jonny Boy.

How do you think Kate is looking these days? Nothing like a good ole cheater to make you drop those last 10 pounds, get your boobs all hiked up high, tone it up, slap on a tan and put it out there for the jerk to drool over. Not bad, LOYAL husband dontcha think? Can't have your cake and it too, no,no,no poor little pitiful Mr. Gosselin. No, because your cake is nowing letting herself go.....GO ON WITHOUT YOU! You know there are men in her future, right you have figured that out right? Good men, notable men, men with culture, money, and fame. Men who do more than well, cut the pancakes. She's even risen in the polls of "Whose side are you on Jon or Kate's?" Up to about 72%, now that you confessed you lied about the bodyguard to get some of the limelight off you and Hannah Montana, or whatever her name is. Was she the babysitter? If she was the babysitter, I'm going to have to write you another letter, ole buddy Jonny Boy. I think Kate will be choosy, and probably not slap a skull ring on the first hoochie, um I mean prospect that comes along. I think she has already learned from her mistakes, and yes I remember......SHE'S A BITCH!
I'm not going to keep you from you counseling sessions, Prozac, and Viagara, I just wanted to take a few minutes of your time, to let you know I was thinking of you. Can't wait to see those new hair plugs, since the first one's didn't take, and you look your age now. If I don't see you soon, you take care now you here. Seems every day I see less and less of you. Hope that trends continues. Hope the new booty is worth all this fame.
Till Then, we know............SHE'S A BITCH!
The Bumpkin

Monday, July 20, 2009

I'm Lovin It! No, Really Lovin It!

My intentions are not to be redundant. I know that I have more than once sung the praises of this woman here in this forum. Perhaps I should consider, changing the name of the blog to South Missisippi Reports on The Pioneer Woman, but just indulge me for one moment.
Because you will never believe what Ree has "gone and done now."

The Bumpkin had many plans for the weekend. Piles of laundry to load in the car and take to the laundry mat up the road, because my fancy Maytag broke AGAIN! Dolphins to watch, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, spending time with friends, blogging fabulous posts to generate 100 comments. None. of. it. was. done.
I was too busy hanging out here. That Pioneer Woman has done went and made us a myspace/facebook for cooks.

I have two pages of ingredients on my shopping list. Printed recipes laid out on the table, for My John to choose the order, in which I will recreate the multitude of masterpieces I have found.
Come on over and join me will you? I can't wait to see you all there, and I wish to covet your secret recipes. Pastor Ryan, Bakerella, Smitten Kitchen, they're all over there too. Just check my friend list. I had to stifle a squeal when the inbox read, "The Pioneer Woman has approved your friend request."
She's added really great features. Direct links back to your blog, a recipe box, because this way you can print as you go, or just leave them stored there.
The name is the same, Bumpkin On A Swing, make sure to friend request me once you get there.
The Baking Bumpkin

Friday, July 17, 2009


Did any of you watch the Today show this morning? Lucy Buffet a famous cook from my neck of the woods, was featured. Lucy's brother refers to her as Lulu. About an hour and fifteen minutes from the swing is one of my favorite places. Lulu's Homeport in Gulf Shores, Alabama. I've made my way there a time or two. Can't swear that I remember leaving, but I do recall some good times there.
Click here, to learn all about it. Don't miss the gifts and t-shirts you can purchase online, it's everyday coastal wear 'round here ya'll.

Now if you haven't caught on yet, by the title, Lucy Buffet is Jimmy's crazy sista, and she just came out with her own "Crazy Sista's Honey Ale" to match his Landshark. Do you all have Landshark where you live?

At Lulu's Jimmy is referred to as Bubba, and when he is in the house he drinks a mixture of 5 exoctic tequilas, and that's it, he occasionally buys one for the house too. Wooo wee...easy on that one ya'll. Makes it a little tough to stay between the navigational beacons. Here they are! He's getting old, hell we all are.

Lulu's is a busy place, but has a huge bar, so pull up a stool. Best pina colada east of the swing.
The approaching view.....you commoners can also drive there. This is a joke around the Redneck Riveria. Both sides of the highway along the Gulf of Mexico have condo's. Some beach side, and some on the intracoastal waterways. The joke is that the commoners cross the road to the beach, and drive to Lulu's. Of course the condos on the beach, are twice the price of the ones that are across the street. Oh, and by the way, that pavement is hot as hell in July, will even burn the side of your feet while wearing flip flops. This I know from experience. That's right The Bumpkin crosses the street:)

So in case you missed it this morning, here is my favorite recipe featured.
In the deep south, some like it hot!

Screaming Easy Wild Shrimp Wasabi
Serves 4 to 6


• 1 tablespoon wasabi powder
• 1/4 cup beer (use Landshark© beer and drink the rest while cooking)
• 1 tablespoon prepared horseradish
• 2 pounds large headless shrimp, peeled and deveined, tails intact
• 1//2 teaspoon course sea salt
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh cilantro
• Lime slices for garnish

1. Combine wasabi powder, beer and horseradish. Set aside.

2. Peel and de-vein shrimp, leaving tails intact.

3. Place a cast iron skillet over high heat. When it begins to smoke, add shrimp. Shake skillet and toss or stir shrimp for 15 seconds or until they just begin to turn pink.

4. Add salt, wasabi mixture and butter. Stir quickly, turning shrimp for another 15 seconds, then cover tightly and remove from heat. Let shrimp rest for 5 minutes.

5. Add cilantro, stir once, and cover again. Wait another 5 minutes.

6. Garnish with lime slices and serve immediately.

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